Phantom Thief U's Scenario (Hetalia Style)
by CloudSkylark18
Summary: Phantom Thief U is well-known throughout the world for completing seemingly impossible heists. Now the audacious thief has eyes for the "Diamond of Happiness", and plans on giving everyone a show. But will Phantom Thief U be able to do it with the security, and all those witnesses. Well, only one way to find out. Complete
1. The Phantom Thief's Declaration

Note: This is based off the Vocaloid song Phantom Thief U's Scenario: Mystery of the Missing Diamond. For this version I will be using is the Hetaloid version. The characters will be as such:

Italy/Feliciano Vargas: The Journalist

Japan/Kiku Honda: The Auctioneer

America/Alfred F. Jones: The Mechanic

Germany/Ludwig Beilschmidt: The Police

Romano/Lovino Vargas: The Mafia

England/Arthur Kirkland: The Magician

Russia/Ivan Braginsky: The Politician

Prussia/Gilbert Beilschmidt: The Doctor

Lichtenstein/Lilli Zwingli: The Waitress

Hungary/Elizabeta Hedervary: The Actress

OC/Self-Insert: The Phantom Thief U

With that I hope you all enjoy this.

Prologue: The Phantom Thief's Declaration

It was finally time, tonight one of the most famous and priceless jewels would be on the S.S. Fantastic. It was the perfect time to strike. I knew that no one else would try such a feat; stealing the "Diamond of Happiness" from a heavily guarded passenger ship with so many people there as witnesses. But I wasn't an ordinary thief; no I was the renowned Phantom Thief U. I chuckled to myself. The fools on the ship wouldn't know what hit them. Of course that wasn't any fun, so I'd written some letters and planned on leaving them around town. They read:

At the auction party on the extravagant passenger ship, the S.S. Fantastic I shall come to steal the "Diamond of Happiness." Tonight, I shall put on the ultimate show of phantom thievery. – From the Phantom Thief U

After making sure everything was in order I left my house. The letters were safely hidden in my coat. As I walked around the city I casually let some slip out of my grasp, and to the ground. When I looked up I found myself near the docks. Another letter slipped from my hands to the ground. The auctioneer might as well have fair warning. By noon I had only one left. I was heading back to my place when a young man walked past me carrying a bag of groceries. His hair was brown with a reddish tint with a curl that was off to the left. His honey colored eyes were focused on the path before him. With a smirk I let the last letter fall, and catch in the breeze. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him pause and pick up the letter.

 _'My work is done for now. Hope you're all ready for the ultimate show,'_ I thought with a laugh.


	2. The Crime Cruise Departs

Chapter One: The Crime Cruise Departs

I glanced around the docks from under the brim of my silk top hat. The place was swarming with people. This made it better for my plan. The young man I'd seen earlier was there with a camera. A gray newsboy cap sat atop his head.

 _'So he was a journalist,'_ I mused silently. This just kept getting better and better. A man dressed in a white suit seemed distracted; probably the auctioneer. His appearance suggested an Asian background, and if I were to hazard a guess I would say he was Japanese. His short black hair was cut so that it framed his face, and his dark brown eyes were drawn to his watch. Probably checking to see how long he had left until the auction, and my appearance. A little ways off heading towards the crowd was a guy with blond hair, with a shock of it that stood against gravity. His blue eyes were shielded by glasses, and his clothes were simple. Though the jacket tied around his waist seemed like the garb mechanics wore. On his right cheek was a Band-Aid. He yawned before continuing on towards the ship.

Not far from him was a police officer; most likely the head of those who'd be on the ship. His clothes were immaculate right down to his hat's shiny brim. His eyes were bright blue, and his hair (what I could see of it) appeared to be slicked back. He was helping some business man who looked ill. Behind them was a guy who looked a lot like the journalist, though his hair was darker and his curl seemed to defy gravity while off to the right. His eyes were also hazel instead of the honey the journalist had. He wore a long sleeved white dress shirt with a black vest, and completed the look with a tie. He seemed to be enjoying the business man's suffering, and by the way others were looking at him he could possibly be a threat.

"Excuse me," I said stopping a woman, "Do you know who that man over there is?"

She looked at the man, and then back at me. Her eyes betrayed the thought that she believed me crazy.

"I don't know who you are sir, but it would be better if you didn't get involved with him," she said stiffly, "He's the heir to a powerful mafia family in Italy if word is to be believed."

Then she was gone. I grinned though no one took note of it. For the mafia to be here after the diamond was wonderful. I had really struck it big this time. This would be the best stage I'd ever had in my entire career. I couldn't see anyone else of interest outside, so I headed towards the boat. I was almost to the boarding gate when the young journalist bumped into me. He stepped back seeming to be flustered.

"I'm-a so sorry," he said. His accent screamed Italian. I took a moment to glance at his press pass. The name on it read Feliciano Vargas. It was a nice name, and he seemed nice enough so I chose not to snap at him.

"It's quite alright," I said my voice deepening, "So long as you watch yourself next time everything will be fine."

He sighed in relief, and allowed me to continue on my way. I reached the deck and headed towards the right only to find the journalist following me. Or rather he was heading to the opulent dining room that would eventually host the auction, and I just happened to be in front of him. I pushed open the doors, and made to find a seat close enough to the platform without looking suspicious. The floor was coated with a plush red carpet and tables draped in fine white cloth were spread throughout the room. Fine silverware and china were set on the table giving everything an air of sophistication. Vases with roses decorated the tables' centers, though one contained sunflowers. Not long after a tall business man walked in. His hair could possibly be described as silver or maybe platinum blond and looked completely natural. His eyes were violet in color, and the suit he wore seemed to have been freshly pressed.

He went to the table that had the sunflowers in the vase and sat down. Perhaps then that table had been set aside for him. If so then he had lots of money. After his arrival more people started pouring in. The journalist was standing off to the side taking pictures. The mafia heir was followed closely by the police officer. After them a woman dressed in a form-fitting red dress that was a little more revealing than necessary entered the room. I recognized her as the famous Hungarian actress Elizabeta Hedervary. Her long brown hair was done into loose ringlets, and her green eyes shone brightly. A waitress appeared out of seemingly nowhere, and began taking peoples' orders. Her hair was slightly longer than shoulder-length, and tied into two braids which rested just above her chest.

The auctioneer entered talking with a man dress in an orange vest. The stranger's hair was blond, and it would be hard to miss his large eyebrows, though they suited him in a strange way. He wore a top hat with a ribbon wrapped around it, and hanging at the back. He also had on a long coat with long sleeves. I guessed this guy had been brought on as entertainment, and from his attire I figured he must be a magician. The mechanic wasn't far behind them, and just after he came into the room a man with white hair and red eyes followed. This man had on a white jacket and joined the man sitting at the table with the sunflowers.

"Did jou take you medicine Ivan?" the albino asked his table partner. I detected German in his voice.

"Da, just before leaving the hotel," the other man said a Russian accent running through his voice. I thought the Russian seemed familiar, and after running his name through my head for a while I remembered a fairly well-known Russian politician named Ivan Braginsky. I glanced at him and found my assumption to be true. He was the Russian politician, which explained why he had been able to have the sunflowers in his vase instead of the roses.

"Zhen jou'll need some later," the white haired guy said.

"Da, but I don't have any left," Ivan said seeming a little worried. The albino let out a strange laugh which I found annoying yet slightly contagious at the same time.

"Kesese~ zhat's vhy your awesome doctor brought some vith me," the albino said revealing his occupation.

"Thank you Gilbert," Ivan said before they fell into talking about less important matters. After a couple more minutes everything settled down, and the captain's voice sounded from the loudspeakers. He told us that we'd be departing soon, and not long after that the ship was put into motion. I leaned back in my chair and rested my left arm on the table. The stage was set, and the act was about to begin.


	3. Let the Show Begin

Chapter Two: Let the Show Begin

The sun had started to sink by the time we left the harbor. Once we were out on open water the auctioneer announced that before the "Diamond of Happiness" was shown there would be a brief sideshow featuring the magician whose name was Arthur Kirkland. I left the room on the grounds that I had to use the bathroom. In actuality I was heading for the breaker that would be able to short the power in the room. It was easy to find, and I pulled a slim device from my coat's front pocket. I would have to time everything perfectly since the blackout caused by the electronical wonder in my hand would only give me ten seconds to complete my plan. I opened the, for lack of a better word, hatch that hid the controls from view. The beauty of this device was that it would dissolve after being used due to the huge amount of power it required to black out a room.

Once the device was in place, and the hatch closed I headed back to the dining room. No one took notice of my return beside the officer of the law and the journalist. But once they saw who it was they ignored me. I went back to my table and sat down, straightening my top a bit as I did. Movement in the corner of my eye notified me of no longer being alone. I glanced to my left and found the heir of the mafia family sitting at my table. I focused on the magician as he performed the classic disappear/reappear act. I had to admit that he was pretty good, but soon his magic tricks would look like paltry beginners luck. I smirked a little, and the mafia heir noticed.

"What do-a you find so-a d*** amusing?" he asked.

"It's nothing of consequence," I replied. He huffed, and looked away with a glare. I fought the urge to snicker, and succeeded. I took the time to look around, and found some of the tables had been removed. That meant that the auction would begin shortly. I tried to find the people I figured would be bidding on this valuable diamond. Miss Hedervary would likely bid, she was after all very rich. I figured she'd probably have the diamond turned into earrings and a necklace. If she didn't do that then she'd probably put on a pedestal in her house. Mr. Braginsky would also probably bid having the money to do so as well. Likely he'd use it to ensure a business deal or win over a pretty lady. Of course Mr. Mafia to my left would bid on it using blood money. His family would probably sell it for even more or conduct an expensive business deal with it.

The journalist, Feliciano Vargas, was out. He didn't have that kind of money, only on board due to his press pass. The mechanic was out as well seeing as he was only here to make sure that everything ran smoothly, machine-wise that is. The waitress wasn't an option either as she probably didn't make enough even working on a ship like this. The police officer would be too busy watching for security threats to place a bid, and the auctioneer would be too busy rattling off prices. Besides the latter was trying to sell it not buy it. The doctor, Gilbert, was a wild card. Likely he had money if he was Ivan's doctor, but he wouldn't really need it. Of course greed was a big factor in this specific auction.

The tables were nearly cleared away as the magician ended his act. He too was a bit of a wild card though I doubted he would bid. After all he probably got paid little to nothing in his line of work. But I'd be keeping my eye on him and the doctor just to see what they'd do. The mafia heir suddenly stood and headed away. He muttered something about the act being boring and a waste of time. Suddenly a whistle was blown and the police officer was on him in seconds.

"What are you-a blowing that-a for stupido potato b******?" he asked annoyed, "I-a wasn't doing anything."

"Zhat doesn't mean zhat jou von't," the police officer said, "I'll be glad vhen zhis is all over and you're on your vay home to Italy Mr. Vargas."

I saw the journalist start and glance over. The other mister Vargas shot him a warning look. Perhaps they were related in some way then. I'd have to remember that in the future. Off to the side the Mr. Braginsky spilled a bit of his wine and Gilbert handed him a bottle of pills. Finally the last table was cleared away and the magician took a final bow before stepping offstage. Anticipation began swelling as hopeful buyers crammed as close as they could to the front. Thankfully I was one of the closest people to the stage. The auctioneer brought a small but beautiful brown box out, and placed it on a small pedestal. He produced a key from his suit's breast pocket, and unlocked the diamond's case. Murmuring broke out as the jewel was revealed. It sparkled brilliantly; first seeming to be clear and then as blue as ice. I could feel tension flaring between the richer folk, and smirked. This would be too easy.

"Konnichiwa everyone," the auctioneer started, "My name is Kiku Honda, and I wirr be starting the bids as 27,000 dollars."


	4. Bids Starting at Greed

Chapter Three: Bids Starting at Greed

And so it began. I decided to wait until the bidding got intense and slowed down. It would make for a bigger scene, and the shock would be tremendous. Not only that but those greed folks who were close to winning would learn the important lesson of 'money doesn't get you everything.' The bid was accepted by Miss Hedervary, and quickly. Other less important people tried to outbid her, but her fortune was immense; at least of her career had anything to say about it. The competitors dwindled until only Mr. Braginsky, Mr. Vargas, and a complete stranger remained. Casually I stretched, and stood turning away from the object of everyone's obsessive greed.

I rubbed my hands together and as I did I subtly increased pressure to my right hand. Hidden in my glove was a small button that would activate the little device hiding within the breaker. And then my skills were put to the test.


	5. Lights Out

Chapter Four: Lights Out

The room was bathed in darkness, and a few people screamed. I quickly climbed the stage and grabbed the diamond. Lifting up the felt that it rested on I quickly stuffed the diamond under it. I made sure as best I could that the jewel was not able to be found. Then I quickly broke the window, and threw my hat out into the water allowing my hair to fall down my back. I took the balled up skirt I'd hidden underneath and moved to the side where no one would notice me. I also fired off a quick shot from the gun I'd hidden under my suit's top making sure not to hit anybody.

Then the lights came back on. I had very little time before the chaos caused by the blackout settled down enough for people to start looking for clues. I wrapped the skirt around my waist, and buttoned it in place. Then I stripped off the suit top, and balled it up before putting it in a small purse I'd also hidden under my top hat. I also pulled off the white gloves I'd worn and put them in the purse too.

"What in bloody h*** just happened?" Arthur asked releasing the waitress whom he'd been shielding.

"A power outage dude, I'll go and check the breaker," the mechanic said rushing out of the room.

"Where the h*** did that-a gunshot come from?" Mr. Vargas, the mafia heir asked looking around confused. I joined the chaos looking around confused.

"Zhat vasn't in luggage inspection!" the police officer shouted. I mentally laughed, of course it hadn't been I'd had it on my person and they hadn't thought to check.

"The glass over zhere is broken," the waitress said clutching her tray close to her, "It almost looks big enough for a person."

"Someone's fainted!" Miss Hedervary yelled. Everyone glanced over. Ivan was lying on the ground in a puddle of red. But it wasn't blood; rather it seemed he'd fallen in a puddle of wine. Feliciano, the journalist, was snapping pictures quickly. My theory was proven correct as Mr. Braginsky sat up clutching the broken glass with a little wine left in it. His doctor quickly went to tend to him, making sure that he really was fine. There was a shattering sound as Ms. Hedervary dropped her own glass. The waitress ran past me, and I caught a glimpse at her name tag. It read Lilli Zwingli. The poor girl was in such a hurry to clean up the glass that she bumped into Mr. Kirkland and the dove he was holding flew out of the window. Needless to say he was upset about his bird's flight.

Mr. Vargas laughed at him, but got a disapproving look from the officer. The mechanic came back and tapped him on the shoulder and quickly explained that the breaker had probably had a slight malfunction which caused the room to lose power. The journalist was looking around for clue. He picked up the bullet I'd fired and looked around.

"Who-a could have-a fired this, and-a why?" he asked himself, "And-a who was this-a aimed for?"

Then the voice of the auctioneer was heard. Seems he'd found the little message I left. Scraps of paper that spelled out the words 'Oh really'; my little jab at their failure to protect the gem from me. People began shrieking again, and the guards moved around looking for the suspect.

"There's one person unaccounted for!" One of them shouted over the chaos. Everyone looked around wide eyed, and I fell into the act too.

"Vhat?" the officer asked. I finally caught sight of his badge. Ludwig Beilschmidt was written on it.

"He probably broke the window and jumped to the deck sir," another guard said, "And from there he probably jumped into the sea."

A spotlight hit the water, dancing on its surface. It stopped, and people crowded the window to see my hat floating on the water.

"The phantom thief did it," a woman breathed.

"That b****** how was he able to do it so fast?" a man growled. I was mentally smirking. I didn't have the jewel yet, but all I had to do was to get everyone to leave this room, and I'd have it.

"I don't know, but I think I saw something," I said. Everyone turned to look at me.

"Vhat do jou mean?" officer Beilschmidt asked.

"Well, I don't think he's left the ship. As the power came back on I thought I saw him leaving through the doors," I said quickly. Soon everyone was pouring out the door and I was being jostled. I was nearly being trampled. The guards divided and headed in multiple directions. The people were quickly heading to their rooms to safe guard their belongings. I ducked around people and entered the men's bathroom. There I quickly threw the suit under the stall after pulling on the gloves again, and soaking it in water. Then I bolted from there and back to the dining room. The 'empty' box was still on the pedestal, and I made my way over to it. I was about to lift the felt when footsteps echoed from down the hall. I immediately grabbed the entire box, and stuffed it in my purse. Then I strapped my purse to the holster under my skirt.

After that I ducked out of the other door grinning madly. I dimly heard a surprised shout, and other people came streaming back, and I quickly headed to the deck. I found a fairly good sized flower pot, and picked it up. Then with a heave I sent it into the ocean, creating a splash. Quickly I ran down the steps bumping into Ludwig. He looked at me suspiciously, but I quickly fed him a lie.

"I saw him, but I couldn't stop him in time. He really did dive into the ocean this time," I said. I moved to the side as the officer headed to the railing, and looked down into the water below. I heard him curse in German before turning around and heading back down the stairs. I quickly followed, and we entered the dining room once more. Chaos was again running rampant through the place as people tried to figure out what was happening. It took some time, but once everyone was calmed down they were informed that the phantom thief was no longer aboard. The diamond was also gone along with the box that had contained it. Due to that the ship would begin heading back to the harbor immediately instead of tomorrow. Everyone was told to go to their rooms, and lock their doors. Everyone did as they were told, and sleep took us all.


	6. Epilogue: Phantom Thief's Victory?

Epilogue: Phantom Thief's Victory, or is it?

We docked early the next morning and disembarked. Everyone was searched, and their bags were checked. Luckily I was a master at hiding things in plain sight, and got off the boat with no trouble. I made my way back to my abode to ditch the box and take the jewel. After that I figured I sell the box let the poor soul who got it deal with the police. If I didn't I'd simply leave it in the building I'd been using as my home and have the police chasing dead ends. After all the room wasn't put under my actual name, but an alias. I unlocked my door, and drew the curtains closed. I headed to the basement and set the box on the table in the corner.

I opened it quickly and immediately a sense of wrongness hit me. Cautiously I pulled the felt up, and my eyes widened. The "Diamond of Happiness" was gone; in its place was a note. A note that read 'Loose something?"

"How?" I hissed, "Well, I guess the Phantom Thief U will have to steal it back. You messed with the wrong thief!"

My work was definitely cut out for me. Perhaps some help would be required, but who to go to. I'd have to think on it later, right now a new address was needed. But this heist was far from over, well, if I had anything to say about it wasn't.

 **Me: Well, that's a rap people. So please leave a review. I know it was short, but it works out better that way for me. I do plan on writing a sequel to this story so please bear with me as I work on that one. Before we leave the wonderful characters will say a few words.**

 **Italy: PASTAAA~**

 **Japan: I am most intrigued to know what happened Brightcroud-san.**

 **Germany: How could anyone get past zhe security?**

 **Prussia: Kesese~ Zhat vas totally unawesome of jou Vest. But vhy vas I Russia's doctor?**

 **Me: That's just how it was in the song man, so that's what I went with.**

 **Romano: Remind-a me why-a the potato b******o was-a on my-a case.**

 **Me: Well, you were the mafia in this. So Hungary, Lichtenstein what are your thoughts on this?**

 **Hungary: Vell, it vas fun.** **Vill ve be in zhe sequel?**

 **Lichtenstein: I vish big bruder vas here.**

 **Me: Well, I'm hoping to bring all of you back in for the sequel and even add a few in. Lilli I'm going to try and bring Switzerland into the sequel hopefully. So then let's see we've had the journalist, the auctioneer, the police, the doctor, the mafia, the actress, and the waitress talk. That leaves the magician, the mechanic and the politician.**

 **England: It was a great story love, but why was that bloody git, America, the mechanic?**

 **America: Dude it's obvious.**

 **Me and England: *wait for him to elaborate***

 **America: I'm the HERO!**

 **Me and England: *anime fall***

 **England: You bloody git!**

 **Me: I just kept to the song, and in the song America was the mechanic.**

 **England: *just sighs***

 **Me: Well, then Russia looks like it's your turn.**

 **Russia: I had fun. It was nice doing something like this.**

 **Me: Glad you liked it. And to show my appreciation I got you all some gifts. *hands out presents***

 ***Italy gets pasta, Japan gets manga, Germany and Prussia get beer (and a gift card for a bar), Romano gets tomatoes, Hungary gets a new frying pan, Lichtenstein gets some hair ribbons, England gets tea, America gets a gift card for McDonald's, and Russia gets a bouquet of sunflowers***

 **Me: While they're all enjoying their gifts please review, and I hope you have a pleasant day. Sayonara for now *waves*.**


End file.
